05.31“It’s a cruel, cruel summer.”
It’s official: summer is here.
As if the sweltering temperatures and ridiculous humidity weren’t sign enough, the lovebugs are out in full force:
You have to admire an insect whose sole existence revolves around makin’ love and gettin’ groovy… in public. Like, dude can’t even wine and dine a girl? Take her back to his place? Typical male. In their tiny little minds, there is one thought and one thought only: sexsexsexsexsexsex!
It’s not that the bugs bite or sting; they really don’t do much beyond primping and going to bars to find a one-night stand or walking around butt-to-butt, creating more lust-driven offspring. (Maybe the Duggars are secretly alien lovebug people designed as a cruel joke to the rest of humanity who may not have to live with the insects.)
(It’s early, can you tell?)
No, the problem with these sticky little bugs is that they get so caught up in the, uh, moment, they tend to hover out in the middle of the road, causing their acidic guts to splatter all over cars. A typical drive, especially over a bridge for whatever reason, will leave your windshield looking like this:
Lesson learned: don’t have sex in the middle of the road.
A rumor circulates amongst Floridians that lovebugs are a genetic experiment gone wrong, that some guy at the University of Florida was attempting to create sterile female mates for mosquitoes and botched it horribly. Unleashing hordes of lovebugs isn’t as damaging to a university’s reputation as, say, being responsible for “The Blair Witch Project” but it comes pretty darned close.
However, as with most things you learn in college, it’s all a lie.
The bugs just immigrated from Central America, where the national past-time is Makin’ Love and Gettin’ Groovy.
Gee, that's seems like a very unromantic way to do it.
But, hey, they're just bugs.
And, call me crazy, but I would say releasing these bugs on mankind is much worse than being responsible for "The Blair Witch Project."
That's just my humble opinion, though.
May 30th, 2007 at 11:57 pm
Even worse, they don't want to come off the effing windshield.
May 31st, 2007 at 12:28 am
OMG!!! I hate those things with the passion of a thousand suns. When we were in Ft. Lauderdale, they blew in from the north, and wouldn't leave us alone. They're creepy crawly and they just want to be near you and everything that they can crawl on. Sooooo gross.
It's the main reason why I haven't moved to Florida!
May 31st, 2007 at 2:06 am
Oh. My. GOD! That is just… *shudder*
Even though I HATE the way it looks, I put a bra on the M3 to travel 240 miles to the hometown because of the bugs in all the fields that HWY 5 passes though. I thought THEY were bad but they are NOTHING compared to your lovebugs. Yikes.
And I know it's not entirely related, but I would totally kiss the feet of any person that could invent a system that would shoot a "laser beam" at any bird within 25 feet of my car. heh
May 31st, 2007 at 2:09 am
Anna – I would totally buy a laser beam kit for my car. Especially if it was an M3.
CE – At least it wasn't a camel spider. Go Googling for THAT.
Kait and Tuesday – Be thankful you don't have to live with these things. They get really bad twice a year and it sucks, man. I'd almost have the grass spiders over lovebugs.
May 31st, 2007 at 2:28 am
Gee, that’s seems like a very unromantic way to do it.
But, hey, they’re just bugs.
And, call me crazy, but I would say releasing these bugs on mankind is much worse than being responsible for “The Blair Witch Project.”
That’s just my humble opinion, though.
May 31st, 2007 at 8:57 am
Even worse, they don’t want to come off the effing windshield.
May 31st, 2007 at 9:28 am
DUDE, one time, I was driving down to the Port Charlotte area to see my folks and the bridge near North Port was bad. My windshield was a massacre and not even the wiper fluid could help. I could barely see to get home and it took some serious scrubbing to cut through the gore. Blech.
May 31st, 2007 at 9:35 am
Dude, I have never seen that bug before, and I am totally grossed out!
May 31st, 2007 at 10:05 am
OMG!!! I hate those things with the passion of a thousand suns. When we were in Ft. Lauderdale, they blew in from the north, and wouldn’t leave us alone. They’re creepy crawly and they just want to be near you and everything that they can crawl on. Sooooo gross.
It’s the main reason why I haven’t moved to Florida!
May 31st, 2007 at 11:06 am
Oh. My. GOD! That is just… *shudder*
Even though I HATE the way it looks, I put a bra on the M3 to travel 240 miles to the hometown because of the bugs in all the fields that HWY 5 passes though. I thought THEY were bad but they are NOTHING compared to your lovebugs. Yikes.
And I know it’s not entirely related, but I would totally kiss the feet of any person that could invent a system that would shoot a “laser beam” at any bird within 25 feet of my car. heh
May 31st, 2007 at 11:09 am
Steen, you totally should have put some warning there before the ginormous picture of eek-evoking bugs. Now I have the shivers. Thanks. I love you anyway!
May 31st, 2007 at 11:20 am
Anna – I would totally buy a laser beam kit for my car. Especially if it was an M3.
CE – At least it wasn’t a camel spider. Go Googling for THAT.
Kait and Tuesday – Be thankful you don’t have to live with these things. They get really bad twice a year and it sucks, man. I’d almost have the grass spiders over lovebugs.
May 31st, 2007 at 11:28 am
Ewww that is so nasty. We were there a few years ago during a love bug invasion- those things are everywhere! And gross on the windshield. I heard that rumor as well while swatting the bastards away.
May 31st, 2007 at 12:10 pm