I’ve figured it out.

Paris Hilton is really a superhero.

No, no, hear me out.

So I was sitting on the couch last night, reading my big stack of comic books from the past couple of weeks, and I finally get to one of my many Batman titles.  There’s this one panel where Bruce Wayne, millionaire playboy, is stretched out in his ginormous bed, arms behind his head while enjoying a premium view of a sunset over Gotham City.  Suddenly, the Bat Signal appears in the sky.  In the next panel, a pretty young thing is standing there, clutching a sheet to her otherwise naked body, getting ready to put the moves on Bruce… only to find he’s long since vanished. She calls up her friend and admits defeat: “Melanie, you’re right — Bruce Wayne is a jerk!”

And it got me thinking.

To the Gotham City public, Bruce Wayne is a debaucherous socialite living off his parents’ money without a care in the world. (Sound familiar?) He seems pretty worthless, a total manwhore and unmotivated to really be anything other than spoiled.  (Sound familiar?)  Everyone loves to hate him and he’s often the subject of delicious gossip.  (Sound familiar?)

Seriously, Bruce Wayne is one up-the-skirt-exiting-the-limo shot away from being Paris Hilton.  And Paris Hilton is one superhero costume away from being Batman.

Either that or she really is just a complete waste of space.

But I like to think she’s soaring the skies at night, fighting crime and not really out shopping 24/7 and posing for the paparazzi.

Filed under: celebrities