11.15“Her great art is the lie, her highest concern is mere appearance and beauty.”
Can someone please explain the mystery of the “vulva tattoo”? There are apparently a lot of people searching for this and they are inadvertently winding up on my site. So I figured, maybe I’ll educate them on that which they so desperately seek — but then I remembered I’m a huge wuss and cannot bear to have random people anywhere near my hooha, let alone with any sort of needle.
And people, do not do a Google image search on this subject. It’s… freaky.
I did, however, find this page from the BMEZine blog (totally not work-safe because, you know, the vulvas): http://modblog.bmezine.com/2006/09/15/a-collection-of-female-pubic-tattoos/
Can I get a hell to the no?
It’s difficult enough for me to shave my legs regularly, let alone even think about the necessary upkeep for a vulva tat. And WAXING? Where someone wearing latex gloves rips your pubic hair out by the ROOTS? Are you INSANE?! Even my CAPS LOCK is FREAKING OUT!
Of course, I think I’m probably a tad lazier than most when it comes to my beauty habits. I go for months between haircuts, mostly because my salon is about half an hour away (without traffic) on a highly congested road but I love my Yeti. (By the way, still haven’t gone.) I don’t do artificial nails because I hate having to go every few weeks for a refill. I do my own pedicures because hey, at least I can watch TV while I do it. I tweeze my own eyebrows because I’ll be damned if I’m going to be stuck with shaggy brows during that whole “grow out” nonsense.
As a girl, I am officially The Lame. I know.
I longingly sigh whenever I think of waxing. It’s so easy. You pay someone a few bucks to do it for you and it lasts longer. But that involves going back regularly, scheduling appointments, making sure you have time for said appointment even though your life gets incredibly hectic more often than not… it’s just too much. But I dream of being polished and put together — or at least being able to make people think I am. Someday!
I once heard a quip — from Jerry Springer, maybe? — about how amazing it is that women will pour hot wax on their legs and rip the hair out by the roots and still be afraid of a spider. Me, I’m not sure which I’m afraid of more: a wax technician or a black widow.
At least I can squish the spider.
Dude…I'm due for a trim again and you havent even gone yet. Oy.
Easy answer. The spider. Wax techs don't live in your bedroom. In the DARK.
November 15th, 2006 at 3:23 am
I'd take the spider over a wax any day! I'm with you on all accounts….No one is putting hot wax near my va-j-j! NEVER! Not only the pain but I cant imagine the itching when it grows back…I'm about as low maintenance as they come…..I'm also cheap and cant see paying someone to remove hair from my body or paint my nails. Haircuts are few and far between for me as well. I'd rather spend my money on SHOES!
November 15th, 2006 at 3:36 am
I'll give you one better: Hell to the motherf**king no!
Ouch and ewww, can you imagine what they will look like with age?
November 15th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
Dude…I’m due for a trim again and you havent even gone yet. Oy.
Easy answer. The spider. Wax techs don’t live in your bedroom. In the DARK.
November 15th, 2006 at 9:23 am
I’d take the spider over a wax any day! I’m with you on all accounts….No one is putting hot wax near my va-j-j! NEVER! Not only the pain but I cant imagine the itching when it grows back…I’m about as low maintenance as they come…..I’m also cheap and cant see paying someone to remove hair from my body or paint my nails. Haircuts are few and far between for me as well. I’d rather spend my money on SHOES!
November 15th, 2006 at 9:36 am
I was once stupid enough to try Nad's (hee) to give myself a brazilian, because I HAVE a tat down there (not a huge one, about the size of a nickel, and it's more on the mound part… ahem) and constantly shaving was getting on my nerves. But of course, I couldn't get at the right angle, and I couldn't bring myself to rip it off… so I had my boyfriend do it, while I screamed into a pillow.
I'm back to shaving. But at least I have the hippest razor on the market.
November 15th, 2006 at 1:34 pm
Close…that quip is from Jerry Seinfeld.
I AM TEH WINNAR
November 15th, 2006 at 2:06 pm
I’ll give you one better: Hell to the motherf**king no!
Ouch and ewww, can you imagine what they will look like with age?
November 15th, 2006 at 6:12 pm
I was once stupid enough to try Nad’s (hee) to give myself a brazilian, because I HAVE a tat down there (not a huge one, about the size of a nickel, and it’s more on the mound part… ahem) and constantly shaving was getting on my nerves. But of course, I couldn’t get at the right angle, and I couldn’t bring myself to rip it off… so I had my boyfriend do it, while I screamed into a pillow.
I’m back to shaving. But at least I have the hippest razor on the market.
November 15th, 2006 at 7:34 pm
Close…that quip is from Jerry Seinfeld.
I AM TEH WINNAR
November 15th, 2006 at 8:06 pm
I'm getting my tramp stamp covered up with a vulva tattoo. Don't try to stop me.
And I'm a big fan of the razor all around.
November 16th, 2006 at 2:47 am
I’m getting my tramp stamp covered up with a vulva tattoo. Don’t try to stop me.
And I’m a big fan of the razor all around.
November 16th, 2006 at 8:47 am
I'm not even female, and that looks painful. That's what I want to see right before I'm about to do the hibbidy dibbidy with some girl – a Tasmanian Devil right there.
"Oh, how cute?"
"You like it?"
"I can honestly say I have NEVER seen one of those before…where were we again?"
November 17th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
I’m not even female, and that looks painful. That’s what I want to see right before I’m about to do the hibbidy dibbidy with some girl – a Tasmanian Devil right there.
“Oh, how cute?”
“You like it?”
“I can honestly say I have NEVER seen one of those before…where were we again?”
November 17th, 2006 at 6:00 pm