Like, Totally Freak Me Out

I feel like I should be cleaning up this place a bit, stuffing stray underwear under the couch and tucking dust bunnies under the rug.

My Wil Wheaton/Diesel Sweeties cross stitch seems to have garnered a bit of attention, primarily thanks to Twitter, and suddenly, there are people! Looking at my barely-updated website! Commenting! And it’s admittedly pretty cool.

So cool, in fact, that I might just stitch up another WW/DS and send it to Mr. Wheaton himself. I mean, if I stick it in an envelope with his name, surely the postal system will know where to send it, right? How many Wil Wheatons can there be in the world? I want to put something together for DS too as a huge thanks for being awesome and not cutting my tires for using their art for my own domestic purposes.

Plus, I really like cross-stitching.

If you think my little project is interesting, you should see what’s being done by people far more talented and original than me. I somehow stumbled across cross_stitch_ninja’s Flickr account and fell in love with the Space Invaders needlepoint; oh, and the truly epic Mario map. Then I found this super terrific Ms. Pacman cross-stitch. From there, the ideas started flying and, when the dust settled, I found myself staring at the DS portrait of Wil Wheaton. I ran it through PCStitch, spent far too much time tweaking it and came out with my final pattern.

Two other geek craft blogs to check out: Sprite Stitch and geekcrafts.

So, anyway, I think my next cross-stitching project will be… wait for it… the four characters from Gauntlet! I came across this article from boingboing and put the image through PCStitch. It’s going to be kind of big and incredibly time-consuming but I’m super excited! My fingers will be bleeding and I’m sure I’ll be cross-eyed from staring at the fabric but dammit, I will have a Gauntlet cross-stitch!

Arts & Crafts With Yours Truly

On a whim — as most things in my life tend to start — I decided to embark on a mini arts & crafts project, a cute little cross-stitch that would make me smile.

And so I present to you:

Some of you may automatically start giggling.

For those who did not, that, my friends, is Wil Wheaton, as illustrated by Diesel Sweeties, wearing the infamous clown sweater, done entirely in cross-stitch by me.

Yes. This is truly how I choose to spend my free time.

I’m debating on adding any text to the final piece, maybe dropping a hint as to who it is — although I like the geeks-only mystery — or maybe the “WWdN: In Exile” header of his blog. Or maybe I’ll just leave it the way it is, a simple colorful tribute to a moment that stands entirely on its own.

I have far more ambitious geek-themed cross-stitch projects planned for the future, except they’re massive undertakings and will probably be finished around the time I’m 90 years old and they’re no longer relevant.

“I work all night / I work all day / To pay the bills I have to pay.”

I wish I could say the last week was spent in some exotic locale, sipping a fruity drink garnished with an umbrella and soaking on some much-needed sun, but sadly, I was tied up in Corporate Hell.

The company I work for utilizes the Six Sigma program. Basically, it’s a means of fixing a problem, preferably one that will save the company money, through a project, using the tools within the Six Sigma scope. The example I was given while doing some online training was a lunch project; some overly bored employee noticed that her company was spending a lot of money on catering for meetings. She ran some metrics and statistics, came up with some solutions and ultimately created lunch tickets for meeting attendees to take to the company’s cafeteria, saving the company a ridiculous amount of money.

You, the dutiful employee, are working hard to save the company money with no real bonus to you beyond the satisfaction of having completed a Six Sigma project.

Okay, I’m sure there’s more to it but forgive me; I’ve only just survived the aftermath of a project that has dragged on since November. The bitterness has not had time to dissipate.

In a world of bureaucracies within bureaucracies and political games afoot, Six Sigma projects easily become a conduit for ulterior motives and power plays. My project was to define a process that was key to our business, creating a particular document that is an important part of the system. It soon became directionless and ambiguous, the lack of a leader letting it drift for two months before someone finally realized, “Oh shit, we need to get a proposal for improvement to the top guys!” The final product was rushed and heavy with controversy. I attended meeting after meeting after endless meeting, reminding myself that it was almost over.

As part of the qualification for a Six Sigma Specialist, I had to present at least one slide in our final presentation. To the top guys of the company. About a project I no longer cared about. All last week was spent rehearsing, both with the group and by myself, worrying, fretting and creating one ulcer after another. Fortunately, it went smoothly, although no official decision was made about our proposed solution. And I ordered my certificate and free polo shirt that afternoon; surprisingly, it doesn’t say, “I completed a Six Sigma project and all I got was this stupid shirt.”

Anyway, the whole process was a huge turn-off to the Six Sigma thing. I spent countless hours in meetings, falling behind in my actual work, and getting a nasty taste of office politics. There was bickering, defensiveness and even some flat-out refusal to see the whole picture of the process.  My job allows me to remain somewhat isolated from a lot of the drama so the project was a crash course in… well, everything: adult groupwork, life within a big company, inter-department interaction, that kind of thing.

Plus, the whole idea that I’m supposed to be improving the company in my spare time at work seems kind of absurd, mostly because I don’t have a lot of spare time at work and the project wound up consuming most of my day. I more than once pointed out the irony that an efficiency project was putting me behind…

And the worst part is, I see more Six Sigma projects in my future. It’s actually a goal to have two or three projects going on at any given time. We’re supposed to be constantly on the look-out for money-saving solutions, bettering the company we work for simply for the pleasure of doing it, and dedicating the time and resources out of our day to support it. Apparently none of us have any actual work to be doing.

So tell me – do you have any particular annoyances about work? (If you have a job, I think that’s a given.)

Things I Am Loving

  • Today’s shirt.woot, “Jurassic Parka,” my first official shirt.woot purchase. (Teefury.com is also a great site.)
  • The classic Kit-Cat Clock, complete with swinging tail. I need one for my house.
  • Armelle’s blog. I discovered her after being linked to her post about making your own cake stand.  Her site is much, much more than just a DIY crafting site; she features recipes, design inspiration, jewelry, and other relevant links from around the ‘Net. Her blog has become one of my favorite Happy Places.
  • Mama Eun’s Korean BBQ. Fresh bulgogi, galbi and kimchi delivered to your door. Need I say more?
  • This firefly pendant lamp from CB2. I hate hate hate our dining room light fixture with a passion; it came with the house and it’s way too bright and way too hot.  I love the look of this fixture, how clean and simple and even a bit old timey it is. With a dimmer switch, I think this would be perfect.
  • Ke$ha. I was so stoked when she announced her album deal awhile back and it’s finally out! I will be getting it from iTunes later tonight, thank you. (And yes, I’m paying for it because I think she’s that awesome.)
  • Netflix. Seriously, still loving it. Okay, so I suck at the whole “returning DVDs” thing but the instant streaming is the best thing, especially now that we have a TV in our bedroom! I love the XBOX 360 tie-in. I was able to stream (in HD no less!) most of our Christmas movies for our Christmas Movie Night and have gotten caught up on a plethora of shows like “30 Rock” and “Party Down.”
  • reddit.com – “what’s new online!” The source of many a funny photo or link.

And to you, my dear readers, I ask: anything new or recent to share?

Changes and Improvements

Things For 2010

  • A shiny new fridge! (Preferably one that qualifies for the tax rebate.) When we bought our house, it had the same fridge that our previous rental had. The fridge in the rental needed repairs within the first few months, except it was never fixed because the leasing agency was all, “Hey, it works, right?” Except it didn’t dispense ice and the motherboard was somehow fried so you couldn’t adjust any of the settings. You see where this is going… sure enough, less than a week into our new house and the ice maker doesn’t work at all and the motherboard is fried. I hate the fridge anyway so I plan on upgrading to a fancy pants French door style with ice/water dispenser and nifty LED lights inside. This will hopefully be purchased in the next couple of months.
  • More house stuff. Our walls are seriously bare and I need to work on collecting things to put up.
  • Actually going to the gym we’re paying for. I’m failing miserably at this so far but this goal is such a cliche anyway. I have fitness goals and dammit, I need to make the effort!
  • Vegas with friends. Package vacations are affordable and it’ll be a nice little treat towards the end of the year.
  • Continue exploring Orlando. Over the past year, I’ve come to really love this city as we do things: try new restaurants (like the tasty Korean place, mmm!), find new bars, hit up downtown for a night of fun, go to an Orlando Magic game, and attend local events. I’m truly in the prime of my life with a steady job, a close relationship with my parents, and an awesome husband and wonderful friends, the perfect recipe for having a great time!
  • Wardrobe, wardrobe, wardrobe. I’m constantly trying to define my style (GRANNY-IN-DISGUISE) and updating my closet, bit by bit. This year will be all about getting rid of the old and bringing in pieces that are more versatile for work and play, as well as accepting that there are certain things I will never be able to wear again. Or at least not in the near future.
  • Be healthier. Although something tells me that donut holes for breakfast and reheated pizza for lunch isn’t a good path to that… maybe I should say, “Make more of an effort to be healthier.” Homecooked meals with a healthy but tasty spin. Yes.
  • Speaking of — cooking more. I am obsessed with the Food Network and am always envious of how easy it seems. Yet it takes me a good 20 minutes just to cut up a vegetable. So, more practice in the kitchen, more of an effort, maybe trying to find my inner chef. Both of my parents have a knack for cooking that they never quite managed to pass on to me. (To be fair, my dad’s mostly a grill master, even though he was the one who showed me how to bake my first cake. Out of a box but whatever.) A lot of folks seem to already be on board
  • Two words: RE. LAX. I tend to get super uptight and impatient about some things and I seriously need to chill out. There are things beyond my control and I can only do so much.

Goodbye, 2009! Hello, 2010!

The Non-Christmas Christmas Post

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Crazy Kwanzaa, what-have-you!

We spent a good chunk of the days around Christmas traveling and, let me tell you, I’m not a very good passenger. (Or maybe I’m an awesome passenger, depending on your perspective.)

There’s just something about riding in a car for any length of time that lulls me to sleep. I slump in the leather seat, enjoying the hum of miles passing under the car. My consciousness oozes out of every pore like some gelatinous skin, slipping from my body and dragging on the pavement; the car behind us will say, “Look, honey! Someone up there is falling asleep!” Yes, my consciousness has left many a smear along the highways!

Some drivers prefer company and idle chatter, especially into the wee hours of the night. Others prefer the soothing quiet, letting their minds wander as they fall into the rhythm of easy driving. The later our drive is, the harder I try to stay awake but I lose 99% of the time. Sleeping while upright is almost never comfortable for me and I typically wake up with a stiff neck but damn if my eyelids don’t betray me and weigh themselves down and shut.

There was a span of time during my early college years when I traveled to Savannah, Georgia on a frequent basis and only managed to see the state line once or twice.

My parents have never mentioned driving me around as an infant to quiet me; I was a pretty quiet baby to begin with, what with the shyness and scaredy-cat thing. I’m not sure quite where it comes from but the car is better than most over-the-counter sleep aids. (Although it would cost far more to hire someone to drive me around for eight or nine hours a night, I’m sure.)

Oh, um. So I didn’t really write much about Christmas. Whoops.

To get me in the mood, tell me about your Christmas! What did you do? What did you get?

“How are thy leaves so verdant!”

Today’s post is brought to you by Tales From the Dad Side. SciFi Dad posted random facts about his Christmas tree with the premise that he has “always found that a family’s Christmas tree can tell a story, or many stories”. I couldn’t agree more, so let’s see what my tree says, shall we?

xmastree

  • Our tree was a $35 WalMart special, an artificial 6.5″ with pre-lit multi-colored lights. Cheap and traditional!
  • The first round of “base” ornaments — the ones that were bought purely for decorative purposes — are somewhat retro and old-fashioned, all red, green and white in color. IKEA was a great place for these. Cheap and traditional!
  • I had a very specific idea for our tree topper and managed to find it at WalMart: a scrolly lighted star. Cheap and traditional!
  • The top third of our tree contains most of my husband’s Star Trek ornaments. (He’s 6′4″ so they somehow never migrated south.) He has virtually every one ever available for purchase. I completely shattered one of the pre-lit bulbs in an attempt to plug-in one of the many light-up, talking Star Trek ornaments.
  • The inner branches contain five very special glass ornaments, each painted with a year from 2004 through 2008. My mother-in-law has made an ornament for every Christmas my husband and I have spent together, including the pre-marriage days; none are alike, varying in shape, size and color, and they’re certainly nothing fancy but they’re important. We’re waiting on our 2009 ornament.
  • I’m a fiend about buying commemorative ornaments. On top of my MIL’s ornaments, I buy at least one ornament with the year emblazoned on it somewhere.  This year, we bought one to celebrate our first house and, in light of having my own Christmas tree for the first time ever, I started my first official Hallmark collection: a new series they started just this year, Sweet Treats.
  • There is absolutely no tinsel on our tree.
  • We do, however, have shiny red and green Christmas beads and this weird white fuzzy garland.
  • In order to keep our tree from looking rather sparse, we populated it with a ton of ornaments from my MIL, most of which are from my husband’s childhood — memorable, homemade, special ones from family. My childhood ornaments are on the way from my mom’s house.

So, in essence, we’re cheap, traditional and sentimental.

Yep, that sounds about right.

I Might Be A Misandrist

There’s no greater gift than motherhood.

At least, that’s what everyone tells me.

Being a mom is such a huge deal; if I dare to mention the mere possibility that I don’t want to procreate, the response is to either look at me like I just said I was trying to grow a leg on my forehead or to brush me off and tell me my Clock will start ticking any second now.

Motherhood is a Big Deal.

Of course, a big part of motherhood is being pregnant. Virtually every parking lot these days saves the closest spots for the handicapped and “expectant mothers.” (How would they know unless it’s the second or third trimester? Isn’t that discriminating against early pregnancies and women who missed their periods and might be expectant mothers? Should a woman carry around her peestick as proof?) There are endless “hip” maternity boutiques and endless blogs about those magical nine months.

So isn’t it fair to expect men to suffer enjoy the wonder of being with child?

And so, I present to you the very first law that shall ever pass if I become the Almighty Authoritative Figure Over Everything That Exists:

All Men Shall Bear Sympathy Pregnancies With Their Significant Others

(I’ll have the Legal Department clean that up later.)

Sympathy pregnancies — you know, where men get to suffer the swollen ankles, sore back, bloating, nausea, cravings, mood swings and all the other wonderful symptoms — are nature’s way of enlightening the male gender.

Since they can’t carry, birth, or nurse a child (unless they wear the Boozy Nipples!), well, isn’t this the next best thing?

(By the way, how awesome is it that when I Googled search engined [boozy nipples], my site was the first link to show up?? My mother would be so proud!)

“If I can’t *find* a reindeer, I’ll *make* one instead.”

I know Thanksgiving always gets the shaft, much like children born in late December, but seriously, I’m so excited for Christmas this year!

We’ve never done much for the holidays in the past; nobody was ever really home since we all had family to visit. A few years ago, I started putting a little mini-tree on our kitchen counter, complete with lights and mini ornaments.  We would crowd our presents around the tree and call it done. And that was really all our decorating consisted of.

This year, however, is our first Christmas in our house so I decided we needed to get in the holiday spirit.  As a surprise for my husband, who was enjoying subzero temperatures on a business trip to northern Alaska, I went out and bought a pre-lit Christmas tree ($35 at WalMart!) and a bunch of ornaments from IKEA. Lobsterclaw helped me get it assembled and decorated; it’s no Martha Stewart tree but it’s ours.  (Pictures coming soon.)  I also went to the dollar store where I picked up some cute stockings. (Which I hung on the side of my Expedit bookshelf thanks to those 3M hooks, which are amazing.)  We have some more personal and sentimental ornaments to hang up and holy hell, did you know tree skirts are expensive?? but the tree is officially up.

(That’s what she said.)

(I’ve been watching the first few seasons of “The Office.”)

The decor will be rather sparse this year as I’m building up my collection and we don’t have anything hung on our walls just yet but it’s a start!

Is anyone else looking forward to the holidays? Or am I the only one??