I wish I could say the last week was spent in some exotic locale, sipping a fruity drink garnished with an umbrella and soaking on some much-needed sun, but sadly, I was tied up in Corporate Hell.
The company I work for utilizes the Six Sigma program. Basically, it’s a means of fixing a problem, preferably one that will save the company money, through a project, using the tools within the Six Sigma scope. The example I was given while doing some online training was a lunch project; some overly bored employee noticed that her company was spending a lot of money on catering for meetings. She ran some metrics and statistics, came up with some solutions and ultimately created lunch tickets for meeting attendees to take to the company’s cafeteria, saving the company a ridiculous amount of money.
You, the dutiful employee, are working hard to save the company money with no real bonus to you beyond the satisfaction of having completed a Six Sigma project.
Okay, I’m sure there’s more to it but forgive me; I’ve only just survived the aftermath of a project that has dragged on since November. The bitterness has not had time to dissipate.
In a world of bureaucracies within bureaucracies and political games afoot, Six Sigma projects easily become a conduit for ulterior motives and power plays. My project was to define a process that was key to our business, creating a particular document that is an important part of the system. It soon became directionless and ambiguous, the lack of a leader letting it drift for two months before someone finally realized, “Oh shit, we need to get a proposal for improvement to the top guys!” The final product was rushed and heavy with controversy. I attended meeting after meeting after endless meeting, reminding myself that it was almost over.
As part of the qualification for a Six Sigma Specialist, I had to present at least one slide in our final presentation. To the top guys of the company. About a project I no longer cared about. All last week was spent rehearsing, both with the group and by myself, worrying, fretting and creating one ulcer after another. Fortunately, it went smoothly, although no official decision was made about our proposed solution. And I ordered my certificate and free polo shirt that afternoon; surprisingly, it doesn’t say, “I completed a Six Sigma project and all I got was this stupid shirt.”
Anyway, the whole process was a huge turn-off to the Six Sigma thing. I spent countless hours in meetings, falling behind in my actual work, and getting a nasty taste of office politics. There was bickering, defensiveness and even some flat-out refusal to see the whole picture of the process. My job allows me to remain somewhat isolated from a lot of the drama so the project was a crash course in… well, everything: adult groupwork, life within a big company, inter-department interaction, that kind of thing.
Plus, the whole idea that I’m supposed to be improving the company in my spare time at work seems kind of absurd, mostly because I don’t have a lot of spare time at work and the project wound up consuming most of my day. I more than once pointed out the irony that an efficiency project was putting me behind…
And the worst part is, I see more Six Sigma projects in my future. It’s actually a goal to have two or three projects going on at any given time. We’re supposed to be constantly on the look-out for money-saving solutions, bettering the company we work for simply for the pleasure of doing it, and dedicating the time and resources out of our day to support it. Apparently none of us have any actual work to be doing.
So tell me – do you have any particular annoyances about work? (If you have a job, I think that’s a given.)
Filed under: daily, i hate everything |
